An Over-Analyzer’s Guide to Laptop Stickers

My sister sent me a snapchat the other day: her computer with all her new laptop stickers. From our favorite Spiderman (Tom Holland), to Mike Trout, to the Sandlot, to the overwhelming love that Texas residents have for their state. It made me think of my stickers, and how big of a thing stickers are for our laptops, hydroflasks, etc. 

I currently have seven stickers on my computer: a vintage-looking NASA logo, a full-body Harry Styles, an 8123 license plate (a nod to one of my fav bands, the Maine), Matthew Macfadyen as Mr. Darcy from P&P wearing sunglasses and surrounded by flowers, and three phrases: “C’mon son” (from psych, my favorite show), “Have you heard about Pluto?” (also from psych), and “the hand flex™” (regarding the hand flex imagery from P&P dir. Joe Wright). I love stickers, and I feel like they say a lot about us, if even for the brief time we have them. Like my sister having two Texas/TCU related stickers—is she really going to love them in five years?

The jury will stay out on that actually, since people who live in Texas ride or die for it. Really. It’s embarrassing how many TCU and Texas flag memorabilia my parents have.

I said back to my sister that I needed some more stickers, but that I had to be picky about them. I needed people to know I have ~taste~ when they see me writing in public, if that ever happens again. I also considered the fact that maybe I’m too old to have them, but where is the fun in that? Who cares that I’m in my twenties and have random stickers all over my computer. I like them! But it led me to wonder, what do our stickers say about us? I’ve compiled a list, surprise, surprise.

Your school logo, name, mascot

You ride or die for your school in semi-embarrassing way. If you go to a big school that everybody knows—probably for sports or because it’s an ivy league—you’re just bragging. You want people to know that you are rich, smart, or are too into college sports.

If you’re still a student, I can and will allow this, but if you’re an alum, babe, scratch that off and find something new.

Your workplace

Full disclosure, on my old laptop, I have a cool Warner Bros Studios sticker. It was matte and very cute and also subtle. Also Warner Bros is like Disney or Universal and I cannot fault anyone for flaunting it a bit. Also, it’s sold in the gift shop, so if your workplace is cool enough to have a real gift shop, this is allowed. However, if you don’t work for a place like that and you have a sticker of your workplace logo, you were a finance bro, no question. You are too into your job and you’re probably a trust-fund kid and you go to Coachella every year and stay in a fancy Airbnb. You probably graduated college sometime between 2015 and now.

Any non-comic super hero paraphernalia

I’m just calling out my sister at this point, let’s be real. If you’ve got one of these, you are just a hoe for hot casting. Honestly, I am too, so I can’t blame you.

The name/logo of a popular band that existed before 1990

You are trying too hard to be cool. You probably do really like this band and their music, which is respectable, but leave it to your Spotify. Having a sticker for any “classic rock” band is like Urban Outfitters and Brandy Melville selling that Pink Floyd graphic tee.

A Vine reference

You want people to know that you are funny and you understand pop culture. You might be a little bit too invested in it, but Vine was fucking funny if you followed the right content. Having a sticker like this will not affect your character negatively in my eyes. It’s a signal that we’re around the same age and we understand jokes that make zero sense out of context.

Movie/TV reference

This one is really broad and can go a few different ways. You might be move snob. Like, you are pretentious and only like movies directed by old, white men that have something to do with crime, death, or misogyny (or they’re like Fight Club, which has some excellent social commentary that is widely missed by these kinds of people).

Another option is that you really do like movies that everyone’s seen but not everyone is super into, like The Sandlot (my sister), or the movie is really niche and only a select kind of person loves it, like Pride & Prejudice (2005). Or the movie has a lot of great one liners that make great stickers.

This goes for TV shows as well. You’re really into TV that’s either very popular, One Tree Hill, Game of Thrones, etc, or again, it’s more niche, like me with my psych stickers.

If it’s popular, you’re cool. You like and watch movies and TV on the regular. You know what’s up. Unless it’s an Office reference, then that means your entire personality is liking The Office, and I am kind of judging you for it. One sticker, maybe okay depending on what it is, but y’all, I’m begging, that’s far from the only funny show out there.

If you’ve got the low key, has-a-weird-cult-following-but-isn’t-classic stuff, you’re secretly hoping someone is going to notice it and comment on it. You really, really want someone to notice because they’re one of you. You’re connected by this on-the-down-low thing.

It’s like telling someone you like their shoelaces and having them respond with “thanks, I stole them from the president.”

Book reference

This is even more niche than the latter of the movie sticker thing. Book world is large, but being a book lover is also an alter ego for some people. I am very cool (in my opinion) on my bookstagram, but I am very uncool both on my personal account and in real life. But if I put a sticker on my laptop or water bottle about a book—talking book books, not H*rry P*tter or Lord of the Rings that have multimillion franchises attached to them—then you are an intellectual, and you want people to know it. This does not make you pretentious, but it does make you better than everyone. 

Musician

Now, I have a full-body Harry Styles sticker on my laptop, and I will never apologize for it. If you have one of him, Niall, Louis, or all of One Direction, let’s be pals! I don’t think having a band or musician sticker (pending the above criteria) negatively impacts you, and if anything I will ask about it. Music is awesome, and there are so many brilliant artists out there. It probably means you have good taste and I would like to add you on Spotify.

A NASA logo

You either listen to too much Ariana Grande or you read The Martian.

A store logo (i.e. Vans, Journeyz, Zumiez, etc)

It was, in fact, not a phase, Mom. 

You’re probably pretty cool, I will say. You’ve worn too much eyeliner at some point in your teenage years, had those bangs that were really just chunks of your hair you moved to the other side of your face, owned too much black or ripped clothing and been called out relentlessly for it, and you’ve probably been to Warped Tour. I respect you.

A Patagonia or North Face logo

You were or are in a frat, or you are overly outdoorsy. Please chill.

A dog or cat

You have pets, and you would die for them. This is respectable, and I would love to see photos.

Anything Disney-related

You’re a Disney adult, and whether that means you love it and have an annual pass or you’re a cosplayer who spends massive amounts of money on Disney things, you will be seen as the latter. Not a bad thing, you do you, babe, but not everyone is as accepting of that as I am. But then again, are those Negative Nellys the kind of people you want in your life?

I mean, if you don’t know all the words to the Mulan soundtrack, what are you even doing??

Food items

And by food, I mean an In-N-Out sign, animal fries, etc. This is the only kind of food-related sticker allowed, next to maybe Taco Bell. Anything else, you’re lame, and you should scratch that off. No other food brands are cool, over-rated, or widely known enough. If you have a Chick Fil-a sticker, don’t even talk to me. Get better nugs from a place that isn’t anti-LGBTQ+.

And finally…

Sports teams

If you have a Dodgers or Yankees sticker and you’re not from LA or NY, I don’t believe you. Otherwise, this could mean a plethora of things, most of which give you cool points. It’s rad to like sports! It’s less rad to be so into sports that you don’t like anything else, but knowing about sports and stats and players takes dedication, and passion is a big score in my book. AND it means you’re down to go to games and drink beer and eat nachos and yell people from uncomfortable plastic seats. God damn, I miss going to sports games.

If you have any of these stickers and are put off by the judgments I’ve made about you, tough. The world is full of stereotypes, and whether you like it or not, you are not as unique as you wish you were. Neither am I. I’m a walking stereotype!

But this was fun to write, and I hope you go out and buy more stickers for your belongings, to hell with whatever I think.